I was prompted to write about calming the overwhelm after I listened to a friend’s voice message on Whatsapp.

After not hearing from her or seeing her on social in a while (and she was always on there), I sent her a message to check in with her. After a few days she replied with a six minute voice clip to tell me that although she was ok, she needed to step away from things in her life – her business, her friends, everyday pressures….just to get some headspace and to stop feeling overwhelmed with everything.

She said that she wasn’t coping very well with lockdown and it felt like she needed to retreat into her shell, block out all the ‘noise’ and take stock of how she was feeling. I was both sad and happy for her; happy that she was putting herself first and getting her priorities right (us women always put ourselves last!), but sad that she felt she needed to go to such extremes to do so.

Then it got me thinking about how most of us are feeling at the moment – and how we’re all dealing with the pressures of life in general. It got me thinking about my own wellbeing – how I have been shielding for the past month – and more importantly, how I’d coped with not seeing anyone, not going in any shops or supermarkets and living in a house with three others when I so used to having my home to myself during the day, when everyone is usually at work and school.

It’s been really hard not seeing my friends – people that I would see regularly, either for a walk or a coffee, cake and catch up. It has also been hard not going into a supermarket for over a month – just having different things to look at on shelves; gosh, it really makes you appreciate the little things.

However, during my isolation I have developed my own ways of dealing with life to prevent the overwhelm setting in – and I thought I’d share the five strategies that I use regularly to help calm my life.

1. Start the day right

Having read Hal Elrod’s Miracle Morning book, I’m a huge advocate of the concept of waking an hour before everyone else in the household to have my ‘me time’. During that golden hour (which is broken down into 10-minute slots) I visualise, read, use affirmations, write, meditate and I write my ‘5 Minute Gratitude Journal’. I also fit it some stretches and take 5 minutes to complete my basic skincare regime.

Sometimes it’s a struggle to get up earlier, but once I finish my hour of self-indulgence I’m really set up for the day. My day starts calmly, with clarity and with intention. I know exactly what I’m going to achieve that day – and it really has done wonders for me in staving off the overwhelm.

As well as completing my morning ritual, I’ll usually always make myself a hot water with lemon or a jasmine green tea. It feels like it flushes out the toxins and I start the day feeling virtuous. I’ve found that when my day begins calmly, more often than not, it will continue being calm for the rest of the day.

2. Have intention

Having had my Miracle Morning – and having written what I need to achieve that day – I will write a priority list in order to make the day productive and curtail the overwhelm. If it’s a work day I will write down what I want to achieve that day. The difference is, I only ever write down one thing – just one thing that I need to achieve – and every day that one thing gets done. Why? Because it’s just ONE THING.

I think the mistake that many of us make is writing a list as long as your arm and expecting to get it done. And then when we don’t, we feel overwhelmed, like we’ve somehow failed and we focus on that failure. By writing down just one thing – and managing to complete that one thing, we’ll congratulate ourselves, feel like we’re winning and perhaps even feel a little bit smug. Wouldn’t you like to feel that way every day?

So to stop the overwhelm, I write down just one thing that I want to achieve, I get it done first thing in the morning and I feel great for the rest of the day. It’s a huge bonus if I get anything else done (and I usually do) so I come away feeling even more productive, in control and happy with how my day has gone. Overwhelm happens when we feel we’ve lost control; by reclaiming that control by deciding to prioritise one thing a day, you’ll life will seem more harmonious.

3. Look after yourself

When we talk about being productive or working towards achieving things, self-care is so important. I adopt a ‘Self-care Sunday’ which I really look forward to; I run myself a bath and allow myself to wallow in it for as long as I like. I’ll usually listen to a podcast or read a book or sometimes I just lie there focussing on the warmth of the water surrounding me. After my bath, my slow start to the day continues – I’ll pamper myself with some lovely skincare treats (naturally Tropic!), I might do some more reading or I’ll just sit and chat with VIP – just generally chillout for the first few hours – and it’s just wonderful.

I wish every day could start like this, but perhaps if it did, I wouldn’t appreciate it as much, but I really look forward to my Sunday self-care sessions. On a daily basis though it’s important to take care of ourselves – and the way I do this is by going for a daily walk. If I don’t feel like it, I still try and push myself because I know that in just the eight minutes that it takes to walk around the block, I’ll come back feeling refreshed, usually with a better mindset and always in a good mood. It’s no good for us – mentally, emotionally or physically – to sit indoors all day.

If you can manage a daily walk just for a few minutes every day, it will make you feel like you’ve achieved something. And if you really can’t get out of the house for whatever reason, then try an app like the seven-minute workout. Again, it just means that you feel like you’ve achieved something, allows you to put things into perspective and helps step away from the confinement of your home.

4. Stop the comparisons

It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others and to feel that either we’re not doing enough or not coping as well as other people. But you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors – or how people are really feeling deep down. I have to admit, at the beginning of lockdown I was quite happy holing myself away with my family. I felt safe and secure -and it was a novelty doing everything together. In some ways, it brought us closer as a family.

The difficulty in the latest lockdown has been that there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, we all know this is a temporary lockdown – it won’t be forever – but right now, we just don’t know when that will be. So, with that uncertainty, it’s impossible to be optimistic and happy 100% of the time. VIP says that he can probably live like this forever, and I’ve spoken to a few friends who absolutely love the whole lockdown thing. But I know that I’m a different beast altogether; I need interaction with people, I need to go out and have different stimuli and, as much as I love my home and being at home, I need to get away every now and then to appreciate what I’m coming back to.

So, the fact that I’ve been shielding for over a month now has been particularly difficult. But I’ve recognised that I’m different to some of my friends and I just accept that’s who I am. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, so I don’t beat myself up over it. I know that my way of coping with lockdown – and shielding – is to carry on having those conversations with friends either on zoom or on the phone.

5. Put things in context

I saw a great post from my friend Susie from So Happy In Town on Instagram. And as soon as I read it, I wanted to read it aloud to my daughter – children’s mental health is so important too. It read “This is the mother of all roller coasters we’re on right now. But keep holding tight, it won’t last forever.”

Back in 2019 when I was undergoing six months of chemo, I recall my good friend Tania (who has had breast cancer twice), telling me: “Keep your eyes firmly fixed on the light at the end of the tunnel, Lauretta. The good tunnel I mean!”

The chemo was hard at times and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight, especially when I felt like I was at death’s door. But I always remembered what Tania had told me and in my darkest hours, it helped me stay positive. I kept telling myself “Get through this day and tomorrow will be better” – and it very often was. I knew that if I could get through this, I would come out the other end much stronger in mind and spirit.

So I’m applying the same principles that I used to get me through the most gruelling 12 months of my life to lockdown life. And although there is no light at the end of the tunnel as yet (BoJo hasn’t announced when lockdown will be lifted), I remind myself that this is just a temporary thing and it’s a case of practising a little patience while we wait for the light to appear.

As I’m not a particularly patient person, the way I deal with this:

• Keep myself busy and
• Give myself something to look forward to

It was how I got through chemo and that’s how I’m coping now. So, I’ve got lots of little projects on the go – from business sidelines to home improvements and of course my self-care. It’s almost like I’m keeping myself so busy that I don’t actually realise what’s going on around me. But that’s how I deal with things and that’s how I like it. As I said, you have to know yourself and your coping mechanisms to realise what works best for you.

My methods might seem a little crazy, but they work for me and that’s enough. Putting things in context and really questioning if something really impacts your life will help stop the overwhelm. I always find it a good idea to give myself something to look forward to as well; whether it’s my weekly bath (undisturbed bliss) or treating myself to a new book, it really does give you something else to focus on. One of my friends keeps booking holidays so she has something to look forward to. And although they keep getting cancelled, she continues to book them because it gives her hope – and something to look forward to when it eventually happens.

To stop the overwhelm in my life, I start my day with clarity and intention, I’m kind to myself and I know that whatever I do is enough. First work out what sort of person you are, what you can control and then take full ownership of that control. You’ll see that the overwhelm cloud will start to lift and before long you’ll start to see the sun. Remember – above the clouds, the sun is always shining brightly!

What do you do to calm the overwhelm? Do you have any little tips or tricks that you use?

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