The worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in was a Travelodge in Newcastle a few years ago.

Evidently, it was just before the company invested millions of pounds in revamping its rooms…so for us it was the worst timing possible.

VIP and I were in Newcastle for a friend’s wedding and the night before we checked in ’the abyss’. After a long journey I was looking forward to collapsing on the bed and watching TV to wind down. But it wasn’t to be.

As soon as I entered the room the words ‘complete’ and ‘dive’ came to mind, rapidly followed by ‘how the hell do I get out of this one?’.

As we walked on in, a strange musky smell invaded our nostrils and I shot over to the window in an attempt to ventilate the room.

I needn’t have bothered as it only opened an inch. To top that off, the window itself looked like it had’t seen glass cleaner for at least a decade and the view was a sight to behold: a graffitied brick wall covered in expletives. Classy.

As it was late at night we had no option but to stay there. However, I knew that in my state of mind I wouldn’t relax and therefore I wouldn’t get any sleep.

There was only one thing for it. I had to get wasted – and get wasted at a nearby pool hall I did. So much so that I simply passed out when I returned.

What more could go wrong?

In the morning VIP wanted a shower, but I pointed out that he’d probably end up covered in more germs by getting into the shower cubicle than he would by not having one.

For once he agreed. I couldn’t leave the place quick enough and as I wiped my feet on the mat on the way out, I vowed never to return.

Everything about the room was wrong: the smell, the sticky carpets, the view, the dirtiness…the list goes on. The only good thing to come out of the stay was when we moved hotels the next day and I actually really appreciated the new accommodation.

I don’t think that I ask for much in a hotel room. The most important thing for me has got to be the cleanliness.

A clean room for me means a relaxed state of mind and this in turn means I’ll have a great sleep and feel refreshed in the morning.

So I was interested to read that The Good Hotel Guide recently conducted its own research to highlight the nation’s top hotel gripes.

Number one was hair in the plughole (88%), followed by dirty shower curtains (79%), noisy guests in neighbouring rooms/thin walls (72%), and saggy, uncomfortable beds (68%).

Other annoyances were discretionary service charges, windows that don’t open, dim lighting, background music, poor Wi-Fi and carpets in the bathroom.

The survey also found that women are more likely to complain but the only gripes which bother women less than men are poor Wi-Fi (31% of women as opposed to 34% of men), and plastic cups in the bathroom (18% of women as opposed to 21% of men). Both men and women agreed that too many cushions on the bed is annoying.

More Hotel Complaints: Any familiar with you..?

• Poor breakfast choice in the morning
• Low shower pressures
• Finding a hair or stain in the bed
• Dusty surfaces
• Long-life milk for tea and coffee (or no tea and coffee making facilities at all)
• Poor Wi-Fi or Wi-Fi that isn’t free (or worse – no Wi-Fi at all!)
• Hard/over-used towels
• Lifts that take an age to arrive – and when they do, they’re so full of people that you end up taking the stairs in the end.